Worn down by ex’s constant criticism

Q I have no idea how to co-parent when my ex is such a jerk and is constantly telling me how I screwed up I can t parent the kids right I don t cook nutritious food I drink too much I m so beaten down I don t want to talk to them about anything let alone consult them about our kids What s good ex-etiquette A My first thought was is your ex a jerk because they re right Sometimes we are bulk irritated when we are called out because we know that what has been reported is true If it s all true all three things are easily remedied Possibly the bulk complex would be to cut down on your drinking but if you admit you are drinking too much when the kids are around only you know if various soul searching is in order That declared former partners form their opinions based on past behaviors and are often slow to accept that exes have changed their solutions All your ex knows is how you acted when you were together And if the kids are going back to their other parent s home with stories of you smelling like alcohol or sleeping when they are there and not cooking dinner you are fighting an uphill battle It may take particular time to prove your approach has changed So let s say you are right your ex is a jerk and they are picking on you If your ex is wholly wrong it s not time to retreat it s time to have a serious conversation to squelch the accusations and reset the relationship Tell them that Set the example and don t be afraid to suggest co-parenting counseling for help A quick tool that might be helpful is to rely on curiosity to initiate a discussion rather than argue about accusations Try I m curious why you would say that They may come back with all sorts of falsehoods starting with The kids recounted me they saw you drinking Then you know the source for the accusations and that will give you a clue on how to approach it Remember it s not the kids and you against the other parent it s you and the other parent FOR the kids That s good ex-etiquette Dr Jann Blackstone is a child custody mediator and the author of The Bonus Family Handbook Tribune News Arrangement