Harriette Cole: We just found out my sister’s irresponsibility could cost us our house

DEAR HARRIETTE It s been about two years since my mom passed away The big C had its way with her Related Articles Harriette Cole I dread going out of my apartment but I don t want to live anywhere else Harriette Cole I m in my s and that s too old to date a man who acts like this Harriette Cole A car crash wrecked my daughters relationship Harriette Cole I realized the credit card thief was my own son Harriette Cole I keep replaying what my friend noted about my child Before she died she gave my siblings and me everything she had everything she could think of She purchased a large home for us and left everything else in a trust for the four of us to share Greater part of us were already settled so only my youngest sister inhabited the new home our mom gave to us The home was paid in full so she s responsible for paying the taxes only We determined out that for the past year she has defaulted on paying the taxes The rest of us want to repay her debt and sell the home but she refuses The home is in all our names so we can t move forward without her cooperation How do you reason with someone who exclusively doesn t care Wake Up DEAR WAKE UP This may be the time when you get a lawyer to intervene Find out what the debt implications are What happens if the bills aren t paid Let her know this or have an attorney explain it to her You may need to sue her to gain control over the property While this will likely cause dissension in the family it may be necessary Otherwise you may all lose the treasured family home DEAR HARRIETTE My adult daughters absolutely refuse to call or visit their father and it s become a constant point of tension in our family I m still married to him and while they love me they make it clear they want nothing to do with him They grew up watching me handle almost everything in the household all while working full time Meanwhile their dad was emotionally distant and rarely helpful and he often acted like any family responsibility was an inconvenience Now that they re older they tell me that he s selfish and that I deserve better They insist I should divorce him and start fresh but they don t understand how complicated that feels at my age I ve spent decades with this man I don t want to be lonely and though I don t want to divide the family even further the idea of starting over is overwhelming I m tired of being stuck in the middle My daughters think I m making excuses for him and my husband gets defensive whenever I bring up their feelings I feel like I m being pulled in two different directions loyalty to the man I built a life with and loyalty to my daughters who only want what they think is best for me How do I confront this without alienating either side How do I make peace with the fear of being alone if I m starting to wonder whether my daughters might in fact be right In the Middle Related Articles Dear Abby My son was joking around and the other kid s parents billed me for the damage Asking Eric My son s holiday plan doesn t seem fair to me Harriette Cole I dread going out of my apartment but I don t want to live anywhere else Miss Manners My friend s new partner is getting a reputation as a arduous guest Dear Abby My granddaughter is a nightmare and timeouts are no use DEAR IN THE MIDDLE Your adult daughters can make their own choices about how they interact with their father as long as they are respectful They cannot force you to do anything You should assess your life conscientiously and decide what you want for your later years It may be scary to leave but would that be best If so plot it out If not make peace with what you have Thank your daughters for their concern but let them know you have to live your own life Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO