Harriette Cole: My sister is stalking again, and I can’t deal with it

DEAR HARRIETTE My sister has a history of being in toxic romantic relationships Related Articles Harriette Cole I m sorry my friend is mad but she brought this on herself Harriette Cole Why am I being blamed for my friend s hurt feelings Harriette Cole I just want them to admit the truth about my childhood Harriette Cole We broke up but his mom won t let me go Harriette Cole My friend changes her story so often and I don t know what s true Her patterns and choices have gotten a lot better over time but she still falls back into several of her old habits sometimes like obsessing overthinking online stalking and more Last week we had a video call to catch up and discuss her upcoming birthday and she started showing me screenshots from her partner s social media accounts He was on a trip with friends and my sister had become paranoid because his communication was minimal Whenever she gets like this I find it hard to talk to her I don t want to investigate I don t even really care I try to get her to see that if she is this anxious or uncomfortable perhaps this person is not right for her or maybe she s not ready for a relationship How do I pump the brakes on these kinds of conversations with my sister I m exhausted Toxic Lovers DEAR TOXIC LOVERS Your sister might be the only one bringing toxicity to these relationships It is unreasonable for her to get so upset because her boyfriend was busy on his trip and not as communicative as she would like How often does she take people s efforts to live their lives as an affront to her personally She would benefit tremendously from therapy where she can unpack her behavior and the behaviors of her friends and lovers to get to the truth Tell her that her relationship machinations are above your pay grade You do not know how to help her and you cannot take on the burden of listening Encourage her to go to therapy DEAR HARRIETTE One of my co-workers has had a lot of personal stuff on her plate lately I am constantly an advocate for work-life balance because no matter what you should constantly take care of yourself mentally physically spiritually personally whatever that looks like Normally she goes above and beyond for the crew so I longed to extend her the grace she needed to really prioritize her personal matters Because we work in a small department when she is out of the office all of her work falls to me It was manageable at first but now despite her being back at work she really hasn t gotten back to full work quota so I m still left with a few of her workload I don t want to pressure her especially if she might be sensitive to other things on her plate right now but I don t know that involving our boss is the best idea either I need various relief but I m not sure what to do Pulling Slack Related Articles Dear Abby It s my dream to visit Disneyland and I don t want my son with us Asking Eric Here s how I warn a restaurant about my father s bad behavior Harriette Cole I m sorry my friend is mad but she brought this on herself Miss Manners Don t tell me to start eating I know the rules Dear Abby My son s wedding stands to be very traumatic for me DEAR PULLING SLACK Talk to your co-worker in private and let her know that you remain sympathetic to her struggles but you can no longer take the weight for her Explain that your work-life balance is now being impacted negatively because of your efforts to lighten her load You just can t do it anymore Tell her what duties you need to give back to her If she is unable to handle them suggest that she or both of you speak to your supervisor to come up with a plan If she chooses to do nothing your next step is to speak to your boss to explain the situation and ask for help Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO