Harriette Cole: My friend criticizes my appearance. I bite my tongue about hers.
DEAR HARRIETTE Every time I see a certain friend of mine she finds something to criticize about me Related Articles Harriette Cole The bachelorette trip was ruined How can I make it up to the bride Harriette Cole My friend s boyfriend made mean jokes about me in society Harriette Cole My mom snickered at my college choice and dismissed my hurt feelings Harriette Cole My friend s weight loss worries me Can I ask what s going on Harriette Cole I met this guy on an app and all of a sudden I m running into him at work Often she exclaims how big my shoes look Well I am tall and have big feet but I don t appreciate having that pointed out all the time I never criticize how she looks I fear she is anorexic Every time I see her I worry that she is killing herself yet I bite my tongue She is so frail Why is it that she feels she has license to poke at me How can I get her to stop No More Jabs DEAR NO MORE JABS Have you ever questioned her to stop She may not know that her comments upset you Next time she says something that you don t like stop her in the moment Tell her it hurts your feelings when she points out your vulnerabilities You can add that you never do that to her but don t elaborate by speaking of your suspicions Mentioning someone s big feet is not the same as criticizing someone s eating disorder Separately if you are concerned about her fitness bring up the subject of her weight and ask her if she thinks she might need help Tell her you love her and want the best for her and that you are worried that she demands endorsement she may not be getting right now DEAR HARRIETTE I am in a very one-sided friendship My friend has been out of work for an extended period and is suffering as a conclusion I have gone out of my way to help by setting up a job search online and monitoring it he has no computer by occasionally giving him cash when he requirements to buy food and by being as supportive as I can The other day I requested to talk to him about specific things that are going on with me and when I demanded him to get together to talk he explained he was busy I got mad and spouted off that it s not fair that I m there for him all the time but he can t be there for me when I need him I noted all this in a text and he blew up accusing me of saying he is taking advantage of me That is not what I commented I did say that I show up ASAP when he demands me while he doesn t seem to have time when I need him We aren t speaking now I can t figure out how I am the bad guy I am the one who has had his back for months now What can I do to repair this friendship I know he s suffering and in a vulnerable place but I deserve attention too Misunderstanding Related Articles Miss Manners That baby name might not be so fun for the person who s stuck with it Dear Abby I forgot that a baby can be born early and I made a big mistake Asking Eric Strike was my husband s hike with his co-worker Dear Abby I want to have a good time but Bob the creep is at the bar Asking Eric My husband knows I m traumatized by grippy socks yet he keeps giving them to me DEAR MISUNDERSTANDING Sometimes when people are in extreme situations like prolonged unemployment and financial distress they don t have the ceiling to be there for others Their view of the world can get distorted based on their dire situation Your friend may be in the position of not being able to be there for you His retaliatory reaction may be self-preservation That doesn t mean it s OK it means you will not likely be able to get your emotional necessities fulfilled by him right now Stop trying Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
