Harriette Cole: My date’s phone call upset me so much that I had to go home

DEAR HARRIETTE I ve been dating someone for a couple of months now and I thought things felt serious between us Related Articles Harriette Cole My little sister can t wait for me to come home but I might not Harriette Cole I appealed him not to smoke in my yard and they cut their visit short Harriette Cole My friend is now my neighbor but something has gone wrong Harriette Cole I think these women at the gym were mocking me Harriette Cole When my mother prayed aloud for my wife s cold heart we walked out What now Over the weekend we were on our way to a date when her phone rang it was another guy She answered the call out loud and notified the person she was busy and would return his call later but he called her babe as they were hanging up I was so confused and she could tell She apologized for taking the call in front of me and I lost my cool because I thought she should be apologizing for leading me on Apparently we were never explicit about being unique and she has been dating other people I wasn t up for a date after that news so I determined my way home I really do like this girl and realize that maybe my misstep was not being up-front about my feelings sooner Do you think it s worth explaining that to her now or are she and I on two different pages in terms of how we feel about each other Dating Exclusively DEAR DATING EXCLUSIVELY If you like this woman fight for her Ask her to meet with you and tell her that you would like to be unique Admit that you were taken aback when another suitor called her but that you realized the two of you had never had that discussion Ask her if she thinks there s a chance for the two of you to build something special and if so whether she is willing to be special with you while you figure it out If she does not agree then you will know what to do next DEAR HARRIETTE I accidentally referred to my friend with the wrong pronouns and they snapped at me We ve been friends for nearly a year now but I introduced them to specific new friends and used the pronoun she I felt awful Just as expeditiously as I was about to correct myself they were already yelling at me They lost it They accused me of not caring enough after a year of building friendship that is not the affair at all Although I was thoroughly embarrassed I know that reaction was ostensibly really a aftermath of them encountering multiple people who truly don t care I want my friend to know that I am not one of those people Their pronouns do matter to me I will admit though that I have a bad habit of assuming people s pronouns based on their appearance How can I be more mindful of people s preferred pronouns Any tips Pronouns Matter Related Articles Miss Manners He explained he Googled me and was sorry to read about my career Dear Abby I tried to fuzz my r sum but I m still striking out with employers Asking Eric Angry mom bars her son s girlfriend from his hospital room Harriette Cole My little sister can t wait for me to come home but I might not Miss Manners Things get awkward when friends tour my art studio DEAR PRONOUNS MATTER The easiest way to be neutral about pronouns is to refer to people as they That is hard for me as I am a strict grammarian and it feels against the rules for me to say they when referring to one person That mentioned when you truly care about someone and want to be respectful of how they refer to themselves you can default to they or pause and try to remember what they call themselves That mini pause may be able to get you in alignment Hopefully your friend whoever they may be will see the effort that you are making While it is critical to address people in the way they prefer what s more significant is to show your love and respect for them It sounds like your friend is overly sensitive and took it out on you Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO