Harriette Cole: I think these women at the gym were mocking me

DEAR HARRIETTE I in recent weeks joined a gym because I want to get healthier and definitively commit to taking care of myself Related Articles Harriette Cole When my mother prayed aloud for my wife s cold heart we walked out What now Harriette Cole Did I make a mistake with the men at the bar Harriette Cole My teen s sports season was ruined and I don t know how to help her Harriette Cole This woman didn t belong in our VIP area Why wouldn t anyone kick her out Harriette Cole The bouncer rejected me and my friends went in anyway Instead of feeling encouraged I often feel judged and out of place around people who are clearly more experienced than me Everyone else seems to know what they re doing while I m still learning the basics and trying to build up my confidence One situation really stuck with me I was on the treadmill going at a slow jog that already felt challenging for me A group of women nearby were running at a much faster pace chatting and tittering effortlessly At one point one of them glanced over at my screen whispered something to her friend and they both laughed It may not have been about me but in that moment I felt self-conscious and embarrassed I kept thinking they were making fun of how slow I was Instead of finishing my workout I got off early and went home feeling defeated I know I shouldn t let one interaction get in the way of my progress but it s hard not to feel like I don t belong in that atmosphere How can I push past this insecurity and stay focused on my own goals without worrying so much about what others might be thinking Beginner DEAR BEGINNER Consider hiring a trainer for a while someone who can show you how to use the machines how to create the workout that is best for your body and how to pace yourself Ignore the other people and compete against yourself only Be your own cheerleader and protect yourself with professional help DEAR HARRIETTE I don t think my sister and brother-in-law are doing a good job of raising their two daughters who are and Whenever I visit I notice the girls are often left to their own devices with little guidance or discipline They talk back to adults spend hours glued to their phones or tablets and don t seem to have boundaries around things like bedtime or chores It worries me because they re at such an significant age where structure and guidance really matter and I m afraid they re not getting what they need I love my nieces dearly I don t want to come across as judgmental but it s hard to bite my tongue when I see behaviors that seem unhealthy or concerning At the same time I know parenting is a sensitive subject and I don t want to cause a rift in my relationship with my sister by criticizing how she raises her children Still I worry that if no one says anything the girls might struggle even more as they get older Related Articles Dear Abby I tried an experiment with my in-laws The product was distressing Asking Eric How can I make my daughter see what her boyfriend is doing Dear Abby I m tempted to tell her partners wives what s going on Asking Eric The only issue with my new guy is he says he ll keep cheating Harriette Cole When my mother prayed aloud for my wife s cold heart we walked out What now How do I balance my concern for my nieces with respect for my sister s role as their parent Should I bring up what I see or just stay quiet and let her parent the way she chooses even if I don t agree with it Poor Parenting DEAR POOR PARENTING Chances are slim that your sister will hear anything you say to her about her children Do you spend time with them at your house Perhaps when they are with you you can create boundaries and guidelines that they must follow At least that way they will be able to see what living within a structure feels like Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO