Harriette Cole: I’m going home to people who think I’m a big-city success
DEAR HARRIETTE This entire year has been a struggle for me I m a freelancer and business is down dramatically I can hardly pay my bills Related Articles Harriette Cole He mistook me for someone else a woman I consider obese Harriette Cole I don t know how this man could just dump me like he did Harriette Cole Why aren t my sons dating I even offered to pay for it Harriette Cole This eager learner has become a distraction in class Harriette Cole My sister is stalking again and I can t deal with it I rarely talk about it but the holidays are approaching and I cannot show up the way I usually do with gifts for everyone I barely have the cash to get to my hometown to be with the family The thing is everyone thinks of me as the flourishing one the one who moved to the big city and made it I haven t made a thing this year other than more debt How can I manage expectations with family without having to explain my situation I just want to be with them I don t want to be interrogated Lean Times DEAR LEAN TIMES Contact the member of your family you are closest to and explain your situation at least the key points Share that you are excited to see them but you can t play Santa this year Times are tight and you just don t have it If you can bring something for the young children in the family If that s out of reach don t sweat that either Your presence will certainly make your family happy You have to be OK with that Your attitude can serve as their guide DEAR HARRIETTE My friend expects me to handle every single detail whenever we hang out choosing the activity making the reservations checking hours and figuring out voyage time The moment we decide to do something she defaults to You pick or Just tell me where to go I ve narrated her multiple times in clear and honest options that I don t enjoy being the one in charge of all the planning every time I ve explained that it stresses me out because I feel responsible for making sure everything goes smoothly and it would really help if we could take turns or at least decide things together She laughs it off says I m better at it and continues to lean on me like it s my permanent role in our friendship At this point hanging out sometimes feels less like spending time with a friend and more like coordinating an event for someone who won t lift a finger to help I love her and enjoy our time together but I m starting to feel taken for granted and mentally exhausted before we even meet up I don t want to be harsh but I don t know how to make her understand that this isn t sustainable for me How do I get her to take my feelings seriously and step up so our friendship feels like an equal partnership not a one-sided planning committee Step It Up Related Articles Miss Manners My co-workers don t seem to realize what I do for a living Dear Abby After the thrilling kiss I want to send him a message but I m afraid his wife will see it Asking Eric We re not sure she deserves part of the inheritance Harriette Cole He mistook me for someone else a woman I consider obese Miss Manners I m uncomfortable about the strange men on the street DEAR STEP IT UP Be willing to have your next adventure fail Tell her you aren t going to plan anything Ask her to take the reins to make it happen Leave everything to her other than your agreed-upon time and place to meet Resist jumping in to make anything happen See if she rises to the occasion If she does not address the calamity that you are facing Tell her that if she is unwilling to do anything to make your exercises together happen you cannot continue to participate Hopefully this will get her to make an effort Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
