Harriette Cole: I just want them to admit the truth about my childhood

DEAR HARRIETTE My younger brother and I grew up in the same house but had very different experiences with our father Related Articles Harriette Cole We broke up but his mom won t let me go Harriette Cole My friend changes her story so often and I don t know what s true Harriette Cole My boyfriend ghosted me but when I saw him he acted like everything was normal Harriette Cole Should I say I don t have the money if she keeps asking me to pay Harriette Cole It stung to hear what my mom reported the day before she died As kids I inevitably felt like Dad was harder on me He was quick to criticize and slow to show affection while my brother seemed to get the best part of him Now that we re adults I thought we could ultimately talk about it but every time I bring it up my brother shuts down or gets defensive He insists I m exaggerating defends our father s behavior and sometimes even turns it back on me saying I m being too sensitive or still holding a grudge My brother seems unwilling to understand my point of view I m not trying to tear down our dad but I feel so isolated My dad insists that he treated us the same no exceptions How do I make peace with the fact that my own family may never acknowledge my feelings in this way Split Decision DEAR SPLIT DECISION Your family is stuck in its way of being They cannot see beyond the moment and are not willing at least right now to consider your perspective That s OK Find somebody else to talk to namely a therapist You are at the perfect point in your life to talk about your past and present with a professional who can help you process your feelings and experiences This is how you can free yourself from whatever pain you are holding onto That doesn t mean that you will resolve how you were treated as a child with your brother Your family may never be able to see what you are saying or talk about the past but you can and should evaluate your life process your experiences and develop healthy procedures to live the present day regardless of how they behave DEAR HARRIETTE My best friend has just experienced a major loss Her grandmother passed away in another country and she won t be able to make it to the funeral She and I have been best friends for almost years and I am just noticing that within that time frame she s never experienced death in her immediate family My friend is a reserved person so even when I demanded her how she was doing she didn t tell me Her sister shared with me about the loss my friend only communicated me that she wasn t having a great week I gave her my condolences but I want to be able to assistance her even if she may not want to discuss it Are there any other means I can offer my love and endorsement without being pushy or invasive How To Grieve Related Articles Dear Abby My ex s family doesn t believe he s my kid s father What should I do Asking Eric We were mortified to hear how our adult kids behaved at the party Dear Abby I ve been described to apologize to my daughter s lazy immature boyfriend Asking Eric He thinks it s my fault that our teen daughter doesn t want to see him Harriette Cole We broke up but his mom won t let me go DEAR HOW TO GRIEVE Don t push your friend that will aggravate her Instead be attentive and fully present without being pushy Give her space to open up when she feels content When it feels natural ask her to tell you about her grandmother Offer to tell her about yours and any fond memories you have from your childhood Ask her to share her memories Allow her to share with you when she feels ready Your presence can be enough to comfort her Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO