Harriette Cole: I got a great job, and my mom is trying to make me feel guilty about it

DEAR HARRIETTE When I was applying for jobs after college I declared I was open to positions all over the United States I ended up getting an amazing offer and I moved away from home and my family I didn t think it was a big deal since I had gone away for college It s been three years since I moved and I know my family s preference is for me to be in my hometown For the past insufficient years I assumed that is just how greater part parents are when their kid moves away but it s beginning to bother me I went back home to visit this summer and my mother admitted that she still hasn t forgiven me for moving away I think she thought her transparency would make me more sympathetic to her feelings but it only made me angry It s hard enough starting over in a new place all alone Why is my mom trying to make me feel guilty too Homesick DEAR HOMESICK Your mom just misses you and is dealing with her raw feelings Tell her you miss her but you are working hard to build your life Let her know you need her promotion more than her criticism She raised you to be an independent person and that s who you are becoming Ask her to stop berating you In turn promise to call her more and visit whenever you can DEAR HARRIETTE I m trying to manage my social life as an adult and explore new means to make friends I dependably made friends at school with kids in my grade or from my classes but now navigating the real world on my own without proximity and closed environments to steer the way has been challenging An acquaintance invited me to a gathering at his home over the weekend We don t have numerous friends in common so I invited a friend who ended up canceling at the last minute I demanded to honor the invite so I decided I should still go and thank him for including me When I got there I spoke to the host briefly but he was busy with all of his other guests so I ended up hanging around solo I yearned to join conversations and feel included but I didn t know how to hop in naturally I ended up feeling so awkward and uncomfortable that I left after an hour Do you have any tips for navigating conversations with new faces Socially Awkward DEAR SOCIALLY AWKWARD You had the right idea bring a friend to help ease into new conversations with people you don t know Sadly that didn t work out this time Related Articles Dear Abby I saw a mom slap her kid at the store What should I have done Asking Eric My friend is doing the wrong thing with her inheritance How do I set her straight Harriette Cole I bought a house in another city but my boss won t let me leave Miss Manners How do I save face after I blew up at this man Dear Abby Our father was a terrible person but I still can t get behind my sister s plan What you can do to get relaxed around new people is to put yourself in the mix and then listen Walk up and join a group of people who may be talking Usually they will make space for a new person unless they are having a private or heated conversation If they pause to look at you say your name and that you are new to the area Then listen to what they have to say Notice if there are any intersections of interest or similarity when they speak If so offer how you relate to them Be OK with mainly listening Over time you will notice people who appeal to you Don t give up next time Stick around Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions toaskharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO