Harriette Cole: I asked him not to smoke in my yard, and they cut their visit short

DEAR HARRIETTE In recent days I spent a weekend with friends my husband and I met on the beach a scant years ago Related Articles Harriette Cole My friend is now my neighbor but something has gone wrong Harriette Cole I think these women at the gym were mocking me Harriette Cole When my mother prayed aloud for my wife s cold heart we walked out What now Harriette Cole Did I make a mistake with the men at the bar Harriette Cole My teen s sports season was ruined and I don t know how to help her We all really liked each other and it felt natural to invite them to stay with us one weekend when a lot of mutual friends were gathering since they didn t have a beach rental this year It was great spending time with these new friends but the husband smoked cigars constantly He never smoked inside but the smoke in the backyard wafted everywhere I have asthma and it really got to me I didn t realize how much smoke there was until I started coughing uncontrollably It was not good I appealed my friend not to smoke on the property because I couldn t handle it Next thing you know they shortened their trip and left I haven t spoken to them since I m sorry if I came off as rude but I couldn t breathe Is there something I should do or say to smooth things over Smoke-Free DEAR SMOKE-FREE Since you genuinely like this couple and recognize that it was an unfortunate situation that led to mutual discomfort reach out to them Tell them that you enjoyed spending time with them and that you are sorry that it ended up awkward due to the cigar smoke and your asthma Assure them that you didn t realize you would have had such a violent reaction to the smoke Add that you hope to see them sometime next summer DEAR HARRIETTE I have a friend who makes me feel left out whenever we spend time together She constantly talks about the things she does with her other friends the trips they ve taken the inside jokes they share and all the fun outings they ve had without me She ll go into detail about how great those times were and while I try to listen politely it makes me feel sad and excluded It feels like she has a lot more fun with them than she ever does with me and I start to question whether she even values our friendship I don t know if she s doing this on purpose or if she s just oblivious to how her words make me feel Part of me wants to bring it up but I m worried about sounding jealous or insecure At the same time it s exhausting to hang out with someone who constantly reminds me of how much closer she seems to be with other people How do I tell her that her behavior hurts me without ruining the friendship If she doesn t change do I need to rethink whether this friendship is good for me Not a Friend Related Articles Miss Manners Should I pretend I didn t see the news about their misdeed Dear Abby My pregnant sister-in-law blew up at my parents for a ridiculous reason Asking Eric My partner says I ll never crack the code with his chilly daughters Harriette Cole My friend is now my neighbor but something has gone wrong Miss Manners We d been dating for months when I learned the creepy truth DEAR NOT A FRIEND By all means speak up and tell this woman that you have had your fill of stories about her other friends Suggest that you two create your own memories together or if her interests do lie squarely with those other people she should do both of you a favor and stick with them It may sound harsh but she requirements chosen cold water in the face You should not have to endure her going down memory lane about other people every time she sees you Stop that now Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO