Harriette Cole: He mistook me for someone else — a woman I consider obese

DEAR HARRIETTE I was coming up out of the subway the other day when a man spoke to me from behind Related Articles Harriette Cole I don t know how this man could just dump me like he did Harriette Cole Why aren t my sons dating I even offered to pay for it Harriette Cole This eager pupil has become a distraction in class Harriette Cole My sister is stalking again and I can t deal with it Harriette Cole I m sorry my friend is mad but she brought this on herself He complimented me on my outfit and then looked at me He remarked that he had thought I was someone else a prominent woman in our city It was a compliment in that regard but a little jarring too This woman is much larger than I am at least I think so It got me thinking about whether I have a realistic sense of my size I know I have gained weight in new years but this other woman is obese Is that how people see me Is that true about me My head started spinning It really has nothing to do with the other woman I like her a lot It is more of a wake-up call to me I have been so busy that I rarely exercise or do anything for my medical It s past time to take action How can I start Inertia DEAR INERTIA Maybe that moment is the jump-start you ve been waiting for Chances are that person who saw you was thinking less about size and more about stature when he thought you were that other woman I doubt he was dissing you It is good that the interaction woke you up If you know you need to work on your fitness use this moment as a catalyst to start moving Commit to taking a rigorous walk daily Join a gym Get a physical to check your overall soundness Move DEAR HARRIETTE Every year my family does a secret Santa and every single year my sister-in-law thoroughly ignores the limit and buys extravagant designer wallets luxury handbags perfume sets worth over you name it The rest of us try to stick to the budget because we agreed to keep things simple and affordable for everyone but her gifts consistently end up being the big reveal of the night and it makes the rest of us look like we didn t put in any effort at all even though we re following the rules It s gotten to the point where people feel embarrassed opening their gifts after hers and a sparse relatives have started hinting that maybe they should spend more too which totally defeats the purpose Secret Santa is supposed to be fun and low-pressure not a competition or a display of who can give the flashiest present I appreciate her generosity but it s creating tension and raising expectations in a way that makes the whole exchange awkward I don t want to sound ungrateful confrontational or like I m nitpicking right before the holidays I also don t want to make her feel bad for being thoughtful But something must be commented before this becomes an even bigger issue Too Much Related Articles Dear Abby The bartender announced he d give the cash to the bride Was I wrong to involve her mother Jill On Money Giving thanks to my readers Asking Eric The cookie elves are starting to feel unappreciated Harriette Cole I don t know how this man could just dump me like he did Miss Manners The store manager berated me after my run-in with a noisy child DEAR TOO MUCH Take your sister-in-law aside and acknowledge her generosity as you also point out that she has consistently broken the rules As lovely as her gifts are they never fall within the agreed-upon price cap Encourage her to take on the challenge for this particular gift exchange What can she find for her recipient that is creative and perfect for them but doesn t blow the budget That s the way to do Secret Santa Challenge her to do that this year If she wants to get someone a bigger gift too she can go for it separately away from the group Push her to play by the rules Everyone will be happier Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO