Dear Abby: Tot’s a pawn in abusive marriage

Dear Abby My best friend Pat and I live on opposite sides of the country I am very concerned about Pat s daughter and granddaughter Mandy Pat s son-in-law is verbally abusive He calls Pat s daughter names and tells Mandy that Mommy is bad Mandy is only and already knows she has to be nice to Daddy so he doesn t yell at Mommy Pat s daughter refuses to leave her marriage until Mandy is older so as not to confuse her I know this is terrible for the child and will cause her to have bad memories all her life I m also afraid that Pat s son-in-law will end up physically harming Mandy Should I be trying to convince my friend to encourage her daughter to leave ASAP Or do I need to step back and mind my own business My friend Pat is determined to stay out of this and I m very worried about everyone Worried in the East Dear Worried Pat s son-in-law is practicing parental alienation and they aren t even divorced yet Postponing the inevitable is doing Mandy no favors She s at an impressionable age and the attitudes the little girl is forming may remain with her for the rest of her life unless she receives help I don t blame you for being worried Talk to Pat and suggest to her that she should remain silent no longer Verbal abuse can easily escalate to physical abuse and the time to draw the line is now In event you need to pass this information along the phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is - - Someone there can tell Pat or her daughter how to form a safe escape plan Dear Abby My husband and I used to live in the same city as his parents and sisters We became very close getting together several times a week One of his sisters was my best friend Because of work we had to move about four hours away Since then we have felt increasingly isolated I tried to call weekly visit often and send gifts for every holiday About a year in I realized we were initiating all the contact and tried a little experiment We stopped calling them It took more than eight weeks for anyone to contact us His mother calls his other siblings who live elsewhere every week but not us We visit them a sparse times a year but they have never visited us despite invitations to do so My husband is busy with work and while it hurts him he is able to forget about it Although I live closer to my own family now I mourn the loss of my friends and his family and feel frustrated that they don t care about us seemingly caring about other family members more Any advice Cast Off and Lonely Dear Lonely It appears you have too much free time on your hands You can t change these people s behavior Instead of brooding stop dwelling on your in-laws shortcomings and devote your vitality to making friends in your new neighborhood If you stop looking backward and find projects that interest you you will meet like-minded people Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA