Dear Abby: Single son gets short shrift from parents

Dear Abby I am and single with no children and no girlfriend For a large number of years it has become increasingly challenging to get my parents to come to my home for dinner They live only minutes away Both are retired and healthy As anyone who knows me can attest my home is perpetually clean smells great and I love to cook Abby it s a miracle and an act of God when they definitively agree to a date and time to visit I invite them for dinner at least three times a week because they decline the first or second time and it s months before they indeed accept It appears they just don t have the desire and it s hurtful I have spoken to them about this but it has gone nowhere Two weeks ago they certainly agreed to come after a month or two I was happy and excited only to have them cancel midday They seem to have no issue picking up one or both of my nieces once or twice a week going to yoga attending concerts or festivities coming into the city twice a week taking trips etc It feels like it s expected of me to go to their place and if I refuse it s constantly Oh why I have been the black sheep for years and I wonder if I were married and had kids would Mom and Dad come over as they do with my brother and sister-in-law What is your advice Home Alone in New York Dear Home Alone If your parents are keeping up the voyage schedule you have described they are living full busy lives It may make more sense in their view for you to come to them I detect a smidge of sibling rivalry in your letter Because you can t force other adults to change their behavior it might make sense for you to change your attitude about the family dynamic if that s realizable Dear Abby I m My father s mother has never been a grandmother figure in my life No healthy relationship was ever formed My dad says it was her fault but she has implied that the fault lies with my mother Dad s mother accepts close to zero responsibility for the situation I not long ago by accident referred to her by her first name and my aunt Dad s sister thought it was disrespectful How can I politely make her understand that I wasn t being disrespectful because there is NO RELATIONSHIP I don t think anyone sees this from my point of view There s an overwhelming consensus that I need to forgive and forget because she is technically my grandmother I don t share this feeling Any thoughts Technically the Granddaughter Dear Granddaughter You do not have to forgive and forget a grandmother who never tried to have a relationship with you However in order to keep peace in the family you DO have to treat the woman with respect A way to do that would be to use her honorific and refer to her as Grandma Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA