Dear Abby: Chummy ex crossed a line, loses free rides
Dear Abby My long-ago ex-husband Hal is friendly with me and my husband He lives two doors down from us He can drive but whenever we visit family he inevitably asks to hitch a ride We don t mind if it s dark out because he has trouble with night vision but we don t want to be his chauffeur and be regarded as a throuple anymore Worse he perpetually undercuts me when I m talking that s not true it wasn t that day it didn t happen that way etc I think Hal gets jealous when I receive any attention We ve been kind to him because his son and mine died a year ago The last straw was when I was talking about a time my son requested my opinion Hal cut in to say I don t think our son would follow your advice How do we remain friends with Hal but stop this without blowing our stacks Close to Losing It Dear Close The next time Hal asks to hitch a ride with you to visit family tell him that while you overlooked his undercutting in the past when he stated he didn t think your son would follow your advice he went too far Then tell him that in the future he will be arranging his own transportation because he won t be riding with you Dear Abby I have a -year-old profoundly disabled non-verbal child who is in a group home I have been advocating for her since birth when we learned she had suffered severe brain damage The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck for so long that the damage was irreparable My first husband couldn t handle it and left us Luckily a number of years later I met and married a wonderful man He treated my daughter as if she were his own Every weekend we would take her out for breakfast A large number of times we d have to leave the restaurant because of her behavior He was my rock and my patronage and helped with her until his death I still visit her but I find it increasingly formidable knowing that one day I won t be there for her Physically I m no longer able to take her out by myself I also can t ask friends to help for fear they could get hurt I feel guilty but also want to have certain peace in my life before I leave this Earth After visits with my daughter I am sad for days How can I get over this guilt I feel and find peace Emotional Mama in New Jersey Dear Mama You have no reason to feel guilty Your daughter s disability is not your fault Neither is the fact that you are no longer physically able to lift and transfer her You are doing the best you can by letting her know you love her Babies need touch and the reassurance that they are loved You are already doing that and have for a large number of years If you haven t already done so ensure your daughter will get proper care if anything happens to you Accomplish this by putting your wishes in writing with the help of your attorney Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA
