Dear Abby: Brother’s sick, why can’t SIL play host?

Dear Abby My brother has ALS and lives in another state He has a wife and children His wife has decided that when family visits from out of state they need to stay in a hotel instead of their house because she does not have the ceiling to host I understand that it is stressful to have houseguests while also being a caregiver for someone with a terminal illness However when I come to visit it is to spend time with my brother and help him with eating bathing getting dressed etc That typically happens in the mornings and at night when visitors are expected to be at a hotel Out-of-state visitors could also help with cooking cleaning and anything else that demands to be done We don t expect to be catered to Paying for airfare dog-sitters and a hotel each time I visit is a financial barrier My brother is dying and it feels like family is not veritably welcome to visit or help him Am I out of line for thinking my sister-in-law should get over herself and allow family to stay at the house in order to be with my brother Is there even a good way to broach the subject with her Deflated in California Dear Deflated I am sorry for your pain but I do think you are out of line While I admire your willingness to sacrifice to help your brother and sister-in-law through this demanding period you all would be better served if you narrated them you are willing to do anything they need IF DEMANDED Be willing to stay at the hotel if that will be easier for them In other words let them outline the parameters of what is needed Dear Abby My husband is a good man He is also an alcoholic in recovery We in recent months moved back to where his family lives He now wants us to spend time with a half-sister who has mentioned terrible things about him behind his back and acts sickeningly sweet to both of us I haven t described my husband because I don t want his feelings to be hurt but I also don t want to spend time with anyone who doesn t respect him I have tried dropping hints like I don t think she respects you very much but he gets angry He says he doesn t care and that he spent time with my family so now it s my turn to spend it with his The rest of his family loves him They are kind and want to see us but the half-sister is cruel Her husband is also obnoxious and comments constantly about how much he paid for this or that why it s the best etc He s not my kind of person either but it s harmless and not mean The visits are uncomfortable because I know what she has stated What should I do Hesitating Out West Dear Hesitating What you should do is what you should have done in the first place Tell your husband what his half-sister mentioned behind his back which is WHY you want to have as little contact with her as viable After that the decision is his Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA