Asking Eric: This workplace incident is hanging over me, a year later

Dear Eric One year after my retirement I am still feeling confused and hurt for not receiving a retirement gift from my long-time employers Related Articles Asking Eric I dread going to the wedding because of the no-contact drama Asking Eric I never saw the recommendation letter he submitted with my name Asking Eric My son s holiday plan doesn t seem fair to me Asking Eric I had a doozy of a year and I let it all hang out in my Christmas card Asking Eric I didn t know why my friends ditched me and then I remembered Paulo I worked for a family-owned realty company for nearly years I am not a family member We started out as just four of us while the company expanded into one of the largest real estate firms in our area I was an intricate piece of it but as it grew I felt more and more left in the dark by their decisions and considerations It felt hostile to me Honestly it felt good to leave a place where I felt disrespected and tired of being snapped at by management Bosses laid a happy retirement card on my desk and walked away When I opened it later in front of certain co-workers we all were shocked when not even a gift card fell out Kind words written but I was confused My feelings were validated by my therapist and friends to whom I spoke However one year later my self-esteem is still deflated and I have frequent nightmares of being back in the toxic work atmosphere Not a good way to close out my life I m advancing in charitable and political causes so I m not bored At this late date do I ask my former employers What was the deal It could bring closure so I could move on Stung Former Realtor Dear Realtor I say this with kindness you ostensibly already know the deal or at least the general outline of the deal so I don t think a conversation with a toxic employer is going to bring you the closure you seek The unhappy feelings you have about your former workplace have all coalesced around the retirement acknowledgment but it sounds like you suffered for years All of that is going to take a toll Instead of going back to a place of injury talk to your therapist about the struggle you re having with self-esteem and solutions to heal This part of your past is not going to change but your relationship to it can You might start to see your boss and coworkers in a new light that doesn t give them so much power over your feelings you might engage in therapeutic practices that quiet the negative voices that still linger in your memory It might help to purely say to your therapist What I longed was not what happened and it hurts Your nightmares are already dragging you back to your workplace You don t need to go back there in your waking hours too It s accomplishable to get free Dear Eric I am a -year-old woman who has a wonderful husband I have specific medical issues including cognitive impairment For this reason I do not drive and I depend on my husband for all shopping and medical professional s appointments Do you have any advice for making social connections Lonely Dear Lonely Making and maintaining social connections is going to look a little different at this point than perhaps it did in the past This is neither good nor bad change happens But the fact that you have a desire to make connections is a fantastic first step There s evidence that socializing can help with cognitive performance as well A scrutiny by the Center for Healthy Aging at Penn State unveiled that when adults ages and experienced more frequent social interactions they also had better cognitive performance on that day Look into programs at your local senior center or YMCA and enlist your husband s help in adding events that interest you the calendar so that you can get there and get back It s vital to consider socialization as another crucial aspect of your healthcare along with healthcare appointments and errands These types of organizations often offer classes as well which can be a great way to meet new people and meet you where you are cognitively There might be things you and your husband want to do together or you may find programs that only appeal to you Related Articles Dear Abby I demanded a fresh start with my daughter but things haven t turned out that way Asking Eric I dread going to the wedding because of the no-contact drama Harriette Cole My husband keeps talking about leaving LA but I can t go back to suburbia Miss Manners That awkward moment when you see a smile-and-wave acquaintance out of context Dear Abby The new neighbors encroached on us then noted we re the predicament You may also want to be proactive about reaching out to friends and relatives and inviting them over to visit You don t have to throw an elaborate lunch or even make tea You can be honest about your threshold if it makes you more assured saying something like I d love to see you I m not in a place where I can formally host anymore but it would be wonderful to catch up Friends might welcome the opportunity to reconnect and to show you love For friends who aren t nearby try catching up over the phone or video chat Lastly talk to your neurologist about finding local sponsorship groups for you and for your husband These can be great support for new strategies and for social connection Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com