Asking Eric: It took him a year to ask why I wasn’t coming around anymore

Dear Eric I ve been friends with Mikey since we were about years old We are now Related Articles Asking Eric This workplace event is hanging over me a year later Asking Eric I dread going to the wedding because of the no-contact drama Asking Eric I never saw the recommendation letter he submitted with my name Asking Eric My son s holiday plan doesn t seem fair to me Asking Eric I had a doozy of a year and I let it all hang out in my Christmas card We grew up in the same neighborhood as kids and have moved around but still live in the same small town Over the years I ve noticed the only time I d see Mikey was when I d drive to his house or see him at flea markets I urged him to have lunch go fishing or hang out with me and it was inevitably various excuse as to why he couldn t make it I purposely stepped back from going to see him and it was over a year before he reached out via text to ask why he hadn t seen me So I replied via text and stated the above and that I was hoping for more from what I viewed as a one-sided friendship I also stated how challenging this was to write that I thought about him often and loved him and that he d invariably be my friend It s been over a week and I ve received no reply I don t know what to make of this Any insight is appreciated Missing My Friend Dear Friend Good for you for asking for what you need So often in friendships and other relationships we fear that talking about what isn t working or making respectful asks for change will repel people when in reality it makes space for a closer bond I know it doesn t seem like it in the matter of your friendship with Mikey But by pointing out that something isn t working for you you ve made fixing it easier Mikey has to participate too though It s attainable that he saw your friendship differently Maybe he s more of a homebody and declined invitations to hang out because of social discomfort And maybe he d grown at ease with the pattern of you reaching out and feels surprised at your response It s not for me to say and the feelings are his responsibility to negotiate One of the benefits of friendship of unit is that he could share them with you and you could talk it out If you miss him and you want to keep the connection going you may have to continue taking on more responsibility in the friendship Try reaching out by phone ask if he ll let you come over Start the conversation from a neutral open place you value your friendship and you want to feel valued Hearing it rather than reading it may help the message come across more clearly Then you and Mikey can start again Dear Eric My oldest sister in recent times lost her husband of years He had medical issues but his death six months ago was unexpected They had no children They moved away from our hometown various years ago and made a very happy life together My other siblings and I still live in our hometown and have inevitably gathered on Christmas Eve with our families We would love our sister to come home to be with the family this year as it will be the first Christmas she will be alone However she is resistant She is not used to traveling especially during the busy holiday season and is not altogether relaxed navigating the airport although the airport in her city is very efficient and signage makes navigation easy It s a brief flight from her city to our hometown I m torn between respecting her feelings of discomfort and being heartbroken at the thought of her spending Christmas alone She does have multiple friends but I don t know if any of them might extend an invitation to her to join their celebrations Yes we have considered flying to her city to be with her but then we sacrifice our Christmas Eve tradition with our own families Is that selfish We just want to do the right thing and I need particular perspective Family Conundrum Dear Conundrum Though this will be published quite close to the holiday I hope it s not too late to include your sister in your plans Advance to her full stop Related Articles Miss Manners Can I tell them I plan to get rid of their gift or is thank you sufficient Dear Abby He s a great guy but nobody wants to go to his house Asking Eric This workplace episode is hanging over me a year later Dear Abby I craved a fresh start with my daughter but things haven t turned out that way Asking Eric I dread going to the wedding because of the no-contact drama Traditions are major but they re only as meaningful as the people who participate So your tradition can withstand switching or splitting into separate events for a year or a couple of years Surely it s not feasible for everyone to pick up their families and go visit your sister but if one or two of you can see her this year think of how impactful that will be Another option is to preserve the Christmas Eve tradition and fly to see her afterward thereby creating a new tradition The bulk critical thing is that the tradition continues to serve the demands of the people who uphold it If it doesn t it s time to change Ask her what would be helpful and make your plan together Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com